In this together!

I am really starting to "feel" pregnant now.  We went to our dear friend's wedding on Saturday and was not understanding why the servers were not offering me any wine when they were tray passing it around.  MS looked at me and said "you're obviously pregnant, they're not going to offer a pregnant lady wine".  And then I got it.  Maybe it's because we don't own a full length mirror, so I really have no idea what I look like pregnant until I see pictures of myself.  Kinda bizarre.  

I am at this amazing place in my life right now.  After waiting almost 5 years, I married my best friend at an amazing ceremony by our pastor that we admire, trust and love.  We made an amazing baby girl that has brought us amazingly close together.  I know get to see her actually dancing in my belly.  We have a great group of friends, who we love spending time with and who are simply great people.  I believe that we are really becoming a family, making decisions together, loving each other, and laughing with each other.  It's like we are falling in love with each other all over again, and we are falling in love with our daughter that we MADE TOGETHER.  A truly amazing, incredible experience.  

Faith, Love, Hope

I have to admit...I have failed.  When I first thought I would start a blog I really wanted to it to be about my walk with the Lord and what I was learning.  I just hate soaking up the sermons on Sunday and then come Wednesday forgetting what was said.  I really wanted this to be a place where I could look at the year and be able to re-count the whole year and the lessons I learned.  I really wanted 2009 to be the year that I really took up my cross to follow Him.  But alas, I have failed and have not dedicated this blog to that nor can I even say that I have spent time with my Lord on a daily basis.  

Needless to say, I NEEDED the sermon that was spoken today  - Pushing the "re-start" button.  I am admitting to the blog world (and all of my 1 maybe 2 readers) that I am officially pushing the button.  Desperately I want to strengthen my faith in the Lord.  With a new marriage, and an new found strength, I am starting a new chapter in my faith.  My goals are simple:

1.  Spend quality prayer time with the Lord every day.

2. Meditate on a chapter of the Bible weekly

3.  Finally finish "Purpose Driven Life"

4. Dedicate Sunday posts to what I've learned in my walk for the week.  

That's it - seems simple enough, BUT Lord knows how much I struggle with it.  So - please fellow blogger(s?) help keep me accountable, I need it!

Fears

I have been thinking a lot about fears lately.  Admittedly, I feel as though the emotion is a little out of place, though with my new marriage and new husband.  But I don't have fears about my marriage, or relationship with MS - I feel completely comforted in the fact that I KNOW that he is going to be an awesome dad.  I can tell with the way that he treats our pooch, Lennie.  Not only is he kind, and loving, and PASSIONATE about him, but he also is consistent with his discipline and wants to make sure that the pooch lives a "well balance life".  I know that my husband will love me for the rest of my life, too - no matter what - and I am comforted by ALL of this.  BUT - my fears are about my ability to actually MOTHER a child.  What kind of a mother will I be?  Will I be the kind of mother that misses their child horribly when she is out of my site?  Or will I be the mother that will feel relieved to go back to work after 12 weeks?  Will I be the mother that will be overly protective or will I be the mother that will be overly lenient?  I guess I can't picture myself in the actual mothering role - maybe because I have never been a mother, but the word "mom" SCARES me...I cannot tell a lie.  I want to be the BEST mom I can be, and I second guess my ability to actually do that.  Maybe because all of this was a surprise, and because we haven't even started to decorate KAW's nursery.  Maybe because I don't have the same compassion for Lennie as MS does.  I just have to admit that I AM SCARED....I have fears of being a mother.  

It Is Done!!

It is done!  We are now officially married!  We had an absolute fairy-tale wedding.  As I said on Saturday, it took all 45 people who attended out wedding to pull it off - everyone contributed to our wedding somehow.  My mom's girlfriends did all of the table toppers, the centerpieces, the appetizers, served all the food and were just my mother's support.  My parents - needless to say hosted the reception at their house, and my dad really made the backyard become something out of my dreams.  My grandmother did ALL of the flowers for the ceremony, and made it look exactly how I was picturing - even better.  She really know how to put beauty into everything that she does.  Kim's brothers lended us their speaker system so that we could play our ipod with our special play list that Scott put together, and her brother-in-law made our cake.  We truly have some amazingly TALENTED friends.  Although we did most of everything ourselves, it really looked like a crew of professionals just threw-up all over our wedding...really amazing.  Even Lennie was looking his best (and even behaving his best!) with a nice bow-tie and was trying to get everyone to play fetch with him. 

Our honeymoon...was well...dream-like.  When we got to our room @ Sycamore, they told us that EVERYTHING was paid for (whhaattt?) and there were chocolate covered strawberries, a cheese and cracker tray, and rose petals all over our room!!  We were upgraded to this amazing suite with our own fresh water hot tub on the balcony (where we could control the temperature, so even I could go in!).  We just had an incredible time together - I feel like I have fallen in love with Scott all over again.  

Although we are now stepping out of our fairy tale, I feel blessed and amazed that I still get to wake-up every morning next to my price charming.  Wow...how did I get so blessed???