2 months!

Our little one is two months today!! Can you believe it!! I feel like I fall in love with this child more and more each day. She is truly amazing. She has started to smile at me when I go to get her from her car seat in the AM. When she was first born, we co-slept with her because every time we put her in the bassinet she would immediately wake up and start crying. So the only way that we got some sleep was with her sleeping on my chest. Then - after a little while of that, I needed to get some better quality sleep. I started to realize that every time we got in the car she fell asleep and several times she would be asleep for several hours after we brought her back into the house in the car seat. I believe the reason why she is okay sleeping in the car seat is that is it more enclosed than the bassinet and she feels more secure. I really didn't want her to associate her bed with the car seat, so I placed a nice fluffy blanket over the seat and then put her on top of the seat. She seems to really like it - it's her little safe place. We have also started a bedtime routine which I absolutely love - it's my favorite time of the day. We get a bath, and then change into jammies, and if she is feeling up to it, I will read to her (lately it has been MS who has been reading to her) and then we swaddle and go into the car seat and get a bottle. We are officially on formula only right now, which I have total mixed feelings about. It's really great for the convenience factor, and it was going to be nearly impossible for me to pump at work because of the way the pump was going for me, so we were going to have to start weaning in a couple of weeks. If I was going to stay at home with her, it would be a totally different story, but I am not, so I needed to have her on formula. She seems to be taking to it well, but I sometimes feel it is harsher on her stomach. I really want the best for her, and hate to feel like I am not giving that her right now. It sometimes feels like my first failure as a mother - but I have to keep telling myself that it wasn't going to work out. We did it for a good 8 weeks. Maybe with my next baby I can stay at home and it will be easier. Who knows! We sure love our little girl, and are so looking forward to seeing her grow up into a strong beautiful girl!

Updates

I wanted to give a little bit of an update to "Money....Ugghh". After I posted that entry, MS came home from his Christmas party and was talking about how he was thinking about how much he didn't want to have to move all the way out to Ojai because of the commute and how long his day would be, and la la la. So we woke up, and drove out to Oak View (the house is actually in Oak View, not Ojai) with coffee in hand and dealt with the rainy roads. When we got out there, we talked with our friends for a little while, toured the house and saw all it had to offer. I immediately fell in love with all the room and the yards, and the fact that it was a HOUSE, but I was super leary about how MS was going to react to it. So we got in the car and I looked at MS and said, "So? What do you think?" Assuming that he was not going to go for it after the discussion that we had the night before. He then looked at me with wide eyes and said, "I pretty much think it awesome!" I was so excited that he felt the same way!! So, even though we do have to commute we are officially going to do the deal! We are going to have a house with SO much room. We really need the room. It really feels like the right move for our family, and like we are moving up in the world. The dog is going to have a blast with all the room he will have, and Kaitlin will have room to grow and play and crawl around. So - yay for good decisions!

Merry Christmas Baby!

Ok - I wanted to post some Christmas pics of the baby, mainly because she IS the cutest little button you've ever seen!! Now - I intentionally say you've ever seen because I of course think she is the cutest, but you should really think she is the cutest, too!!

Sunday Reflections

Wow - so much to blog about. I will have to blog the next couple of days straight to get caught up! But I first want to reflect on the sermon and the advent season that we are in. We all know that Jesus is the center of Christmas, right? I mean - how awesome is it that God sent his son as a baby, a little tiny human into the world, only to know that he was going to be betrayed and die a brutal, horrific death? Not only have I been reflecting on Jesus, and thinking of him as a little infant every time I look at my babe, but I cannot help but really relate to Mary this year. I mean - think about her - in labor, about to give birth, traveling from inn to inn to try and deliver her child in a clean, safe environment, only to do so in a barn with really nothing to protect her infant from the elements but some blankets. Wow - what a woman!! I mean, I thought my labor was hard, but can you imagine what Mary went through? I thought that it was an amazing feeling to hold my own child in my arms for the first time, but what was Mary thinking as she held THE SON OF GOD in her arms for the very first time?! Let's talk about the feeling of overwhelming responsibility for this child! The Lord knew what he was doing when he choose Mary and Joseph to raise His son. Mary and Joseph listened to God's direction for their life and without question, they followed Him. I have been reflecting on my influence on my own child, and some traditions that I want to start to uphold for the many Christmas' to come. How can our traditions help bring us closer and more become more intimate with our God? How can our family make sure that Jesus is the center of our Christmas?

This Christmas was a little different than other Christmas' and I cannot tell you how wonderful it was. My family was a little more spread out than they usually are - one of my cousins is getting married in Vegas on New Years Day, so he and his new wife were not able to come out, my brother ended up having to be on-call for his work, so my mom went up to Sac-town to be with him, and my dad ended up enjoying the day by himself! So, MS, and the baby and I were able to spend Christmas morning with just the three of us. We agreed not get each other big presents, and not to give anything to Kaitlin because she doesn't really need anything, and she is too young to remember anyway. So, we did stockings for each other and had a great breakfast. During breakfast, MS and I discussed what new traditions we want to start with our new family. We both agreed that we want to read the Christmas story out of the Bible to Kaitlin Christmas Eve as a bedtime story. I then suggested that we get a new Bible study we will do together as a family in our stockings every year. I have seen, and like the idea of getting a birthday cake for Jesus and celebrating his birthday. I think that it is a simple way of helping children understand what the day really means. Next year, I am really hoping to not do gifts for everyone in my family, but instead give a little money to a charity that reflects the person. Christmas in the past has not been very fun for me because of all the stress and running around. This year was much less stressful and was a lot more enjoyable than it has been in the past - this is the way it was meant to be!

So I am encouraged to draw closer to Jesus in this new year and drawing closer to Him with our new family!

Ughhh.....Money.

Tomorrow we are going to look at a house in Ojai - 40 minutes from where we live right now. Now, this maybe wouldn't be so bad if we were looking at this house to own, but sadly, just to rent. Why you ask - well, we currently live in a two bedroom, one bathroom home that most people across the country would choke to learn what we are paying in rent. But alas, we do live in Santa Barbara, among Oprah, Brad Pitt, Kenny Loggins, Rob Lowe, and the list goes on. I know - people want to live here, so that's why we have to pay the price. That price would be fine if MS and I were both making six figures, but alas we are not. Now, don't get me wrong, we both have decent jobs and are getting paid pretty well, but we STILL can't afford to live where we live with what we need. I can't help but yearn for a yard for my dog to run around in, and my daughter to one day swing in. I would like to actually have a dishwasher so I don't have to spend an hour out of my day hand-washing my dishes, and sigh....a washer and dryer IN my house - what a difference that would make! But at what price do I pay for that? Well, possibly a 40 minute commute one way (add in dropping and picking Kaitilin up from day care, that's an hour both ways). With that also comes the fact that my parents are also a 45 minute drive away (free babysitter, 45 minute drive away). I have been grappling with this idea of commuting for awhile now, and it has been almost consuming my thoughts this week. The rent of this house we are looking at is exactly the same that we are paying now - it has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 2 fenced in years, washer and dryer hook-ups, and the list goes on - everything that I want in a house. But at what price? I have come to the realization that in life, there are sometimes no right or wrong answers, but better or worse decisions. Our reality has changed in the last year - we are a growing family that needs more space, I am not sure that we can continue to live in the place we are living now. And then there's the question of when will we then be able to actually BUY a house?!? Ugghhh...money.

Child Prodigy?

I know everyone always says that their child is the cutest, most intelligent, best behaved, etc, etc...but ours REALLY IS!! haha. She may not be a child prodigy just yet, but she sure is smart for being almost 6 weeks. She started smiling only a couple days after she was born, and MS swears that she giggled when she was only a couple of weeks old. She is a social smiler now, which is truly the most fun I have ever had. She loves her changing pad, and will coo and look up at her elephants on the wall for a long time. She smiles and coos when you give her zerberts on her tummy, too! She is already holding her head up by herself for 30 seconds or more at a time - so strong!! Maybe it's because she was a week late, so really she is developing at a week faster than most babies, but she really learns very quickly. She LOVES tummy time (most of the time) and can almost roll over. She will put her legs and butt up in the air as if she wants to crawl, but can't quite figure out her arms. I know she won't start crawling for a while, but it seriously looks like she wants to go when she's on her tummy!!

We are starting to get a little routine down, and the last two nights she has actually slept through the night...hoping I am not cursing our good luck streak by saying it out loud. She usually goes down for about an hour nap around 12 or 1 in the afternoon, and then goes down again around 3 or 4 for another hour, maybe two hours if I am lucky. She is then up and wanting to play when she gets up from her afternoon nap, so we sing and play the hokey-pokey, and have some good tummy time, and walk around the house and look at all the fun pictures and then we stare at the kitties playing. She then will eat, and then comes her fussy time around 7:30 or 8:00 and she will fuss for about an hour (sometimes more...) and then finally around 9 or 10 we will feed and swaddle and she will go down. The last two nights she hasn't woken up until about 5 in the morning, but before then she would wake up around 2 or 3 and then we would eat, swaddle and she goes right back to sleep.

I really feel truly lucky to have such a great baby. She does cry and is fussy at times, but for the most part if I can figure out what is making her mad she stops right away. I definitely do not have it all figured out just yet, but we are having fun learning from each other!!

Sunday Reflections

In years past, my family has always said, "Let's not do Christmas this year; nobody has money to get gifts so lets just get together and not exchange presents" Yet, inevitably, every year on Christmas morning, under the tree there are several gifts for everyone in the family. Inevitably, everyone is running around and stressing about getting those last Christmas presents for those people who you can't figure out what the heck to get them. I was reminded today during the sermon that my mindset during the Christmas season is usually off. I am so busy trying to make sure that the house looks like Christmas, smells like Christmas, that all my grandmas and grandpas and moms and dads have gifts that are meaningful, to make sure that the gifts actually get out in the mail to those far away, to bake the seasonal cookies, to spend the day going to pick out the tree, and decorate the tree, oh and let's not forget all the parties that we have to attend! There is SO much that flutters around us during the Christmas season, but this year I want to remind myself not only to celebrate the season, but to really EXPERIENCE the season. And by that, I mean I want to spend more time reading the STORY of Jesus, and worshiping Him as much as I can. I want to make sure that all those grandmas and grandpas and moms and dads KNOW that they are loved by spending more time with them and telling them how much they are loved. This time is a special time of year (MS's favorite time!), and the reason for that is because of the amazing GIFT that was given to us by our Lord and Savior, the most amazing gift of all - his ONE AND ONLY son. It is the ultimate gift, and one that cannot and should not be overshadowed by decorations, gifts, and goodies.

Her Father's Daughter

My daughter, who I baked for 10 months looks SO much like her father it is scary sometimes. MS reminds me that she can't look exactly like him, because remember, she IS a girl! :) She has his mouth, his eyes, his feet, his cheeks....so much of this little girl is him. She even HATES the water, just like her father. She screams like I am doing something so horrible to her that she would rather gouge her eyes out with her little fingernails than be put in the bath. MS also hates the water - he will go to the beach wearing a long sleeved shirt and regular shorts because he knows for certain that he is not going in the water. He doesn't even own a bathing suit, that man. So needless to say - this girl is already following after her dad. I think that I am going to be the only Webber boogie-boarding at the beach during the summers in the future!

Sunday Reflections...on Monday

Over the last 10 months I have had to come to some realizations that my life has not turned out the way that I thought that it was. I was supposed to get married on August 1st, and then we were going to have an awesome married two-some life for a couple of years, buy a house, and then make some babies. Well - that didn't happen. I have had to deal with my emotions that I was doing it "all wrong", that the Lord was upset with me because I didn't do it right. There have been a range of emotions that went along with changing the date of our wedding (along with a lot of my visions of how my wedding was 'supposed to look like'), to having to tell parents, grandparents and friends that we were expecting before we were married, to being married and pregnant, to now having a beautiful baby girl. The Lord has spoken me through several people telling me to trust in Him, to come to Him in humbleness and brokenness and confess that I did not do it right but that I (as well as baby Webber) were in His hands. Then finally, when I was about 32 weeks pregnant, I was crying out to Him in the bathtub in complete brokenness, sobbed at what my life was, I was able to let it go. Lift my situation up to Him, and actually then several weeks later, I finally forgave myself and accepted my situation. I know that He has my life all in His hands, and He has a plan for my babe. I am coming to this realization: I have always believed IN God - but now I want to simply believe God. Believe that His plan IS perfect in every way, that His way is the ONLY way, and He will only give to me what I can handle. His will is perfect. Faith is a living trust and whole-hearted reliance upon God for our very hope and life. And THANK GOD for that.

Now Enter...baby Webber!

She's here!! Well - she's been here for three weeks and one day already, but this child has taken all of my time and I have not been able to get her mug shot up here yet. Kaitlin Anne was born on October 29th @ 7:54 pm after being induced the night before. I went in for a NST on the 28th and the technologist realized that I barely had any amniotic fluid left - it was time for her to come out and join our family. I had pretty intense back labor with her for most of the night, and the AM, and after getting an epidural and realizing that it wasn't working after a couple of hours, I pushed for 2 hours and out came our beautiful baby girl. And she really is amazingly beautiful!! Being a mom is nothing like I ever expected and more amazing than I ever imagined. Seeing MS with his daughter is probably the most magical feeling I have ever witnessed and I can't wait to see this little one grow. I have lots more to post and will try to post more frequently, but the baby Webber is fussing now because it is time for her to eat!

38 weeks (a little delayed)

So here's my belly in all it's glory @ 38 weeks.  Notice the nice line that goes across from my pants? Um yeah - even my maternity pants don't fit me - what does that say?? Today I am really officially 39 weeks and 2 days, so imagine that belly, only bigger now.  I have to say that even though I am huge and can barely get around, I have managed to do SO much stuff this week.  My last day of work was last Friday, so I have had a whole week off to really kick my nesting into gear.  Which - by the way, not sure I approve of this over-used pregnancy saying.  I am pretty sure that I would be doing the things I am doing with a week off of work whether or not a child would be entering my world at any moment.  Here's what I've done - 10 loads of laundry, washed the windows, cleaned the baseboards, organized my pantry, fermanated the crap out of the cats, washed the car, got new windshield wipers and gas cap, got the second car towed and over to the mechanic so we can be a two car family again, stocked up on all pet supplies, stocked up on a ton of groceries, made homemade dinner every night, and watched Oprah every day.  These are all things that I have been needing and wanting to do for so long, but have not had the time to do them - with a week off work I got them ALL done!  Woot woot!  

On a second note - I have come over the bump of "what the heck am I going to do with a child?!" and am now on to the amazement and excitement that I am GOING TO HAVE A DAUGHTER any day now!! I really, honestly, seriously cannot wait to meet her, hold her, and just hang out with her.  I am not very good with this whole "waiting" thing - not knowing when and how this is all going to happen is making me a little crazy - every little twinge, cramp, and back ache has me thinking "is this it?! am I in labor??" and then i lay down, and it goes away.  Yeah - not so fun. 

Just hurry up and get here already, ok? OK! 

Life

Wow...life seems to have totally taken over.  I haven't felt like writing much in the last couple of months, so I took a hiatus.  I know everyone has been DYING to know what's going on with me (sarcastic), and I will finally update you on my life as a crazy pregnant woman.  

First...my best friend in the entire world and her amazing mother threw me an AWESOME baby shower on August 15th, with a ton of good food, a totally decorated house in a really fun animal theme, and really great friends.  I got a ton great gifts, including a space saver high chair from my grandma and a great sling from my mom....aannndd my crib bedding from the amazing Wolf family!! It was a long day, that was finished off by a fun-filled BBQ to celebrate my best friend's bday.  

On a separate note, I believe I am the clumsiest pregnant woman on the block.  About a month ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go racing down the stairs to try and catch our cat the ran out the door (they are supposed to be only indoor cats), and while going down the stairs from our apartment, misjudged the last two steps and went tumbling down.  Ahhh....I was so freaked out about falling on my stomach and protecting the baby, that I overcompensated and really tweaked my right leg.  This had me lying in bed and limping around to the few places I could get around to (i.e. the kitchen and the bathroom) for the next couple of days.  It was very painful, and my spirit was totally crushed.  I couldn't do anything...I had to rely completely on MS to do everything which was really hard for him and for me.  

Then, when my leg finally started to feel better, I got a horrible fever, sore throat, and cold that freaked MS out and had he had me in the ER for three hours to make sure that everything was okay with me and the baby.  Turns out, I didn't have swine flu, but just a little viral thing.  It was not fun, and I couldn't sleep at all for several days because I couldn't breathe with my sore throat.  So my spirit has been a little depleted the last couple of months with so much going on my with body and such.  But I didn't want this to be a big pity party for me. 

So...my leg is finally better, no more limping around, and no more cold.  My spirits are starting to really lift and I am REALLY excited to meet my DAUGHTER!  Her room is pretty much set-up, crib is up and bedding is in.  I put up decals of some cute safari animals to decorate her room.  MS and I have taken 2 of our 3 birthing/baby classes. And today we set-up the stroller and put the car seat in the car.  We are really getting close to meeting this new addition to our family!  I had a Dr's appointment yesterday, and I measured at 37 weeks - two weeks past where I am actually at - 35 weeks!  I am thinking that she might come early, but maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part! :)  

I know...I know....

It's been a really long since I've blogged. Mainly because I just don't feel like I can write very well lately, and feel as though no one will really care whether or not I update this thing. I have been feeling very negative lately...about...everything. I guess it's because I am growing at a very rapid rate and my body image is non-existant. I know that most people enjoy being pregnant and all that jazz, but I have to be honest - I haven't been enjoying it that much. I do admit that feeling and seeing her move is pretty amazing, but selfishly, I can't help but feel pretty nasty all the time. I am constantly wearing all of these hideous, boxy looking shirts, my stomach is huge, and I can't sleep at night (I am normally a 9-10 hour a night sleeper), so I feel like a huge walking blog of a mess! I can't walk like I'd like to, and she is pushing on some nerve so my sciatica is bother me a lot. MS asked me a little while ago why I was in a bad mood, and I responded to him the best way I knew how, "I can't sleep at night, I wake-up tired and can't have a cup of coffee, I have a bad day at work, and then I come home and can't have a drink! So, yes, my dear...I AM in a bad mood!" Now, don't get me wrong, I am EXCITED to have a little baby girl in a couple of months, but I am tired of waiting for her to come out and play! I want to hang out with her NOW! I don't want to have to carry her in my belly another 12 weeks...I just want to meet this little girl I have been dreaming of.

In this together!

I am really starting to "feel" pregnant now.  We went to our dear friend's wedding on Saturday and was not understanding why the servers were not offering me any wine when they were tray passing it around.  MS looked at me and said "you're obviously pregnant, they're not going to offer a pregnant lady wine".  And then I got it.  Maybe it's because we don't own a full length mirror, so I really have no idea what I look like pregnant until I see pictures of myself.  Kinda bizarre.  

I am at this amazing place in my life right now.  After waiting almost 5 years, I married my best friend at an amazing ceremony by our pastor that we admire, trust and love.  We made an amazing baby girl that has brought us amazingly close together.  I know get to see her actually dancing in my belly.  We have a great group of friends, who we love spending time with and who are simply great people.  I believe that we are really becoming a family, making decisions together, loving each other, and laughing with each other.  It's like we are falling in love with each other all over again, and we are falling in love with our daughter that we MADE TOGETHER.  A truly amazing, incredible experience.  

Faith, Love, Hope

I have to admit...I have failed.  When I first thought I would start a blog I really wanted to it to be about my walk with the Lord and what I was learning.  I just hate soaking up the sermons on Sunday and then come Wednesday forgetting what was said.  I really wanted this to be a place where I could look at the year and be able to re-count the whole year and the lessons I learned.  I really wanted 2009 to be the year that I really took up my cross to follow Him.  But alas, I have failed and have not dedicated this blog to that nor can I even say that I have spent time with my Lord on a daily basis.  

Needless to say, I NEEDED the sermon that was spoken today  - Pushing the "re-start" button.  I am admitting to the blog world (and all of my 1 maybe 2 readers) that I am officially pushing the button.  Desperately I want to strengthen my faith in the Lord.  With a new marriage, and an new found strength, I am starting a new chapter in my faith.  My goals are simple:

1.  Spend quality prayer time with the Lord every day.

2. Meditate on a chapter of the Bible weekly

3.  Finally finish "Purpose Driven Life"

4. Dedicate Sunday posts to what I've learned in my walk for the week.  

That's it - seems simple enough, BUT Lord knows how much I struggle with it.  So - please fellow blogger(s?) help keep me accountable, I need it!

Fears

I have been thinking a lot about fears lately.  Admittedly, I feel as though the emotion is a little out of place, though with my new marriage and new husband.  But I don't have fears about my marriage, or relationship with MS - I feel completely comforted in the fact that I KNOW that he is going to be an awesome dad.  I can tell with the way that he treats our pooch, Lennie.  Not only is he kind, and loving, and PASSIONATE about him, but he also is consistent with his discipline and wants to make sure that the pooch lives a "well balance life".  I know that my husband will love me for the rest of my life, too - no matter what - and I am comforted by ALL of this.  BUT - my fears are about my ability to actually MOTHER a child.  What kind of a mother will I be?  Will I be the kind of mother that misses their child horribly when she is out of my site?  Or will I be the mother that will feel relieved to go back to work after 12 weeks?  Will I be the mother that will be overly protective or will I be the mother that will be overly lenient?  I guess I can't picture myself in the actual mothering role - maybe because I have never been a mother, but the word "mom" SCARES me...I cannot tell a lie.  I want to be the BEST mom I can be, and I second guess my ability to actually do that.  Maybe because all of this was a surprise, and because we haven't even started to decorate KAW's nursery.  Maybe because I don't have the same compassion for Lennie as MS does.  I just have to admit that I AM SCARED....I have fears of being a mother.  

It Is Done!!

It is done!  We are now officially married!  We had an absolute fairy-tale wedding.  As I said on Saturday, it took all 45 people who attended out wedding to pull it off - everyone contributed to our wedding somehow.  My mom's girlfriends did all of the table toppers, the centerpieces, the appetizers, served all the food and were just my mother's support.  My parents - needless to say hosted the reception at their house, and my dad really made the backyard become something out of my dreams.  My grandmother did ALL of the flowers for the ceremony, and made it look exactly how I was picturing - even better.  She really know how to put beauty into everything that she does.  Kim's brothers lended us their speaker system so that we could play our ipod with our special play list that Scott put together, and her brother-in-law made our cake.  We truly have some amazingly TALENTED friends.  Although we did most of everything ourselves, it really looked like a crew of professionals just threw-up all over our wedding...really amazing.  Even Lennie was looking his best (and even behaving his best!) with a nice bow-tie and was trying to get everyone to play fetch with him. 

Our honeymoon...was well...dream-like.  When we got to our room @ Sycamore, they told us that EVERYTHING was paid for (whhaattt?) and there were chocolate covered strawberries, a cheese and cracker tray, and rose petals all over our room!!  We were upgraded to this amazing suite with our own fresh water hot tub on the balcony (where we could control the temperature, so even I could go in!).  We just had an incredible time together - I feel like I have fallen in love with Scott all over again.  

Although we are now stepping out of our fairy tale, I feel blessed and amazed that I still get to wake-up every morning next to my price charming.  Wow...how did I get so blessed???  

Baby Girl...

I have to say that it is pretty fun to be pregnant and working in a radiology company.  I had one of the ultrasonograhers scan me at 16 weeks to see if they could see any 'ridiculous pieces of flesh' - but she said that it didn't look like there was anything down in that region, which means...we're having a baby GIRL!!  So excited!  I walked past the ultrasound rooms the other day, and another technologist said to me "Can I PLEASE scan you??  I want to see that baby!!"  So I let her scan me, and she got such great pictures of her (she also confirmed that she thinks we're having a hamburger, not a hotdog).  She got her swallowing, and sticking her hand up, as if she was saying "hi mommy!" Ahhh...I never get tired of looking at those pictures.  It really is totally unbelievable and incredible to think that there is a human being incubating inside of me right now.  

And in other excited baby girl news, I am currently 17 weeks and 3 days, and I am feeling her karate kicks!  That is a pretty fun feeling - I can't wait until she gets big enough so that MS can start feeling her, too.  He read that she can hear voices and such, so he has been talking to her a lot lately and kissing my belly.  I think next week, I will have him play his trumpet for her to get her genius juices flowing.  

I can't believe how much I already love our baby girl, now I really can't wait to hold her in my arms for the first time!!! 

I Don't Care!!

I know that there are some girls that dream of their "day" their whole entire life.  Every last detail of the wedding has to be exactly the way that she pictured it in her barbie-doll dreams from when she was six.  I am just not that girl.  Now, don't get me wrong, there are certain things that I definitely want on my wedding day, and people I want to part-take in the festivities, but I understand that weddings are filled with flaws, and disappointments.  Maybe planning so many weddings in the last several years has made me a cynic, but I just don't care enough about 1 day in my life to stress myself out about it.  

Since we moved the wedding up a couple of months, and because I have a baby on the way, I have been delegating out several wedding details to my amazingly supportive family and friends.  For example, there are people doing the centerpieces and table runners, someone else is in charge of the music, another person in charge of flowers for the ceremony, someone else is helping with my veil, another person doing our cake.....all amazing people are were so willing to step-up and help.  I feel truly blessed with such an incredible support system.  But, I do have to say, that my phone has been ringing off the hook with questions about every little tiny detail.  I know these people mean well, because they want to make sure it is everything that I pictured and imagined my day being, but today I just felt screaming, "I DON'T CARE!!"  I know that whatever you do with the centerpieces is going to be incredible, so no I don't care what kind of vase they go into; no I don't care where you get the flowers from for the ceremony, no I don't care what size of an overlay you do on the table, and yes they are 60" rounds, the shape of the cake? nope don't care about that either.  These people all have amazing talent - way more talent than I could ever have, that's why I trusted 100% them with their tasks. 

So, if you ask me one more thing, the answer is again, "I don't care..."

Good Genes

Seriously??  MS was a freakin' cute kid!  I hope our children get his good genes!  Such an amazing little smile on that child!

"The ONE"

Wedding countdown...4 weeks 5 days.  After you've been with someone for a certain amount of time, you always ask yourself "is this person the one for me?".  And yes, I did ask myself this question when MS and I were dating - multiple times.  My opinion on this whole notion, of soul mate, the one, and so on is this - at some point, when all of the butterflies and honeymoon period is over, love is a conscious choice.  MS and I have been together for 4.5 years, we got engaged after being together for 4, living together for 1.5 years, and what I do know, is that we have had our ups and downs, we have had the butterflies and romance, and at the end of the day, when we have had awful days and are grumpy, it always puts a smile on my face to know that I get to lie down next to my best friend and fall asleep in his arms.  We have gone through a cancer scare, a death of a close friend, moving to a new place together, finding out we are pregnant, and still, we are here; we have survived it!  And the reason is - we find little ways to make sure that the other person knows that they are on our minds, and that we love each other.  Our love has progressed from butterflies, to comfortableness, to a deep, strong love for one another.  If you marry someone after only knowing them for a short period of time, it's hard to tell if that person is really going to make that decision at the end of the day to make sure that the other person feels special.  Love is difficult - it's down right almost impossible at times - but if you have made the conscious decision that this is the person that you are going to love for the rest of your life, your relationship will survive.  End of story....  

Our bugaboo is growing!!

People have told me that I have officially "popped" this week.  Not sure if I really believe this, because I think that I look like I have eaten an entire turkey for dinner.  My clothes officially don't fit anymore, but I am still too small to be in maternity clothes.  I think I really just feel self-conscious about the way I look.  But, I have been really watching what I eat, and making sure that I am walking every day, too.  I have been craving every kind of fruit - today I ate 2 tangerines, 1 apple, 1 banana, applesauce, and 2 glasses of orange juice - yeah, I am pretty sure that if you put me in front of a fruit stand right now, I would easily clean them out.  It's a pretty bizarre feeling to be eating really well, and feel like you are getting fatter by the second.   

Last night, MS and I had dinner with our friends (who are also expecting their first in November), and it was so much fun to think that we have friends who are going through pregnancy stuff right there with us.  Can't wait to have play dates with them and to have someone to lean on - what a blessing they are!! 

Did someone push fast-forward?

I have been stalking several blogs in the last several months - some dear friends of mine, others I will never meet (feels a little spooky peering into their lives), but I have finally decided to take the plunge...here's to my first post.  

I have found that most people refer to their husbands as DH (Dear Husband) and since I have never followed the grain of what is normal, I have decided to make my love's name make more sense for us, so from now on I will refer to him as MS, which is an acronym for a nickname that we have been calling each other for years, of which I won't embarrass and tell the full name. :)  

MS and I moved our wedding date up, and we will be getting married 6 weeks from tomorrow.  And in other countdown (or count-up) news, I am 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant today.  It feels as though our life has drastically changed in the last 2 months, and yet nothing has changed at all.  What a bizarre feeling.  MS and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, and I knew that I wanted to marry him after being with him for 1 year.  I have been waiting for our lives to start together for years now, and all of a sudden we will be married AND starting our family all in one year!  It seems crazy to me, but thrilling all at the same time.  When I tell people that we are expecting and moving our wedding date up, I have described what has happened and someone pushing the fast-forward button on our lives.  

So much to blog about, especially because of all of the new things that are happening, but for now...deep breath...and POST!