Monday, June 8, 2009
Fears
I have been thinking a lot about fears lately. Admittedly, I feel as though the emotion is a little out of place, though with my new marriage and new husband. But I don't have fears about my marriage, or relationship with MS - I feel completely comforted in the fact that I KNOW that he is going to be an awesome dad. I can tell with the way that he treats our pooch, Lennie. Not only is he kind, and loving, and PASSIONATE about him, but he also is consistent with his discipline and wants to make sure that the pooch lives a "well balance life". I know that my husband will love me for the rest of my life, too - no matter what - and I am comforted by ALL of this. BUT - my fears are about my ability to actually MOTHER a child. What kind of a mother will I be? Will I be the kind of mother that misses their child horribly when she is out of my site? Or will I be the mother that will feel relieved to go back to work after 12 weeks? Will I be the mother that will be overly protective or will I be the mother that will be overly lenient? I guess I can't picture myself in the actual mothering role - maybe because I have never been a mother, but the word "mom" SCARES me...I cannot tell a lie. I want to be the BEST mom I can be, and I second guess my ability to actually do that. Maybe because all of this was a surprise, and because we haven't even started to decorate KAW's nursery. Maybe because I don't have the same compassion for Lennie as MS does. I just have to admit that I AM SCARED....I have fears of being a mother.
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2 comments:
I am so glad you commented on my blog! Thank you so much for your prayers it serioulsy melts my heart to know how many people we have praying for us and when we hear of someone we dont even know is praying for us it just gives me chills...
Thank you so much and I am excited to follow your blog and your pregnancy!!!!
Heather
Hi, I have no idea how I got here but I had to comment.
I can't stand house pets. I would throw them all outside and let them fend for themselves if they were mine.
But I have 4 babies, 3 here, one in heaven, and I am hopelessly in love with them. And I think I do a pretty good job of being their mother. :)
I remember that feeling in my first pregnancy. I was so afraid that I would not be able to love my baby the way he ought to be loved, that my selfishness would get in the way. I went for a long walk in the dark and stared up at all the stars and confessed all my fears and doubts ending with, "If this baby is going to be loved that way he deserves you are going to have to help me." And he did, and when my son was born I could not believe how much love I had for him, and how much grace was available to me when I needed it.
I've realized that one of the ways that children bless us is because of the growing up we need to do in order to be good parents.
That to say, with God's help you will be just fine. :)
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